The well placed F-Bomb.

So I’m not a huge fan of foul language, (in front of children), but sometimes the little things can really annoy the sht out of you at times. One such time was a couple of nights ago when my phone decided to play silly buggers and not connect to the Wi-Fi at home. The story of what happens next will crack you up…

Its late in the evening, and I’m about to take my son for his bath.  I decide that some music is in order because, well why not, and go to get my phone from the kitchen where it was sat charging.  I had left it for about 40 minutes or so, and it had only picked up about 10% charge which was infuriating, as Sid’s bath would take at least 8% of the charge.

Anyway I realise that it is also not connected to the Wi-Fi and so I turn the Wi-Fi on on the phone, and wait.  And wait.  And wait.

By this time I’m seriously hacked off and under my breath, seeing that my son is now buzzing around me I mutter “why the fk isn’t the phone connecting to the Wi-Fi?!?!?!”. He was about a metre away from me and I immediately realised I had said those magic words a little too loudly.  He suddenly stopped what he was doing, stared me right in the eye and said “Daddy don’t say that. Don’t say fk. It’s not nice to say it. Instead say .. Hmm (looks at his book of planes) instead say helicopter.”

I was both amazed and mortified at the same time.

I wanted to swing my genius son around and at the same time cut off my tongue for using such profane language in front of my angel with horns child.

There was an itching curiosity within me as I rested that evening.

How did my son, my 2 year old, whom we never swear in front of, know that fk is such a bad swear word?  No-one told him, and certainly not me.  I wondered – did my son realise that my frustration, linked to the extremely well placed F-Bomb meant that the word I used was a naughty word?  Or has someone secretly been teaching my son things to just wind me up?

I did a very crude experiment with him the next morning.  I pretended to get really angry and shouted out “What the chin!?!?!” – and lo and behold – he stopped what he was doing (eating) and said – “Daddy – don’t say Chin.  It’s not nice”.

Could it be that children are that more sensitive to the way we say things compared to what we say?

If it is so, then it is both sentiment, emotion, AND language that has an impact on a child.

This relates quite nicely to what we hear about communication and arguments – most of the time arguments occur not be cause of what we say – but because of how we say it.

It seems like this is not a learned construct – It’s almost innate and we know what this “feeling” of negativity is, from a very young age.

If there’s anything I have learnt from this experience, that is to never underestimate 2 things.

  1. The value of a well placed F-Bomb
  2. The ability of your child at such a young age to pick up on emotion, more than the words.

A dads tale..

  “Weekends always go too fast“- something I never ever say.

But this weekend, the first since Sid was born 19 months ago, I got the chance to spend all my time with him.
No wife around, who’s currently in India, no grandparents. No one.

Just me, and my baby boy.

It’s Sunday evening and I’m not ready to leave him. 

Just one more morning to make him breakfast before I go back to work and not see him for a few days, but I’m sat, 120 miles away from him, writing this message, and I count the days till I see my son again.

People ask me “how are you coping/managing?” As if I’m a baby sitter on an extended contract… In response I just say “it’s fine- it’s like we’re father and son!

Dads often get the rough end of the sick- were often seen as the babysitter and not the parent. As if somewhere in our social network mums won the battle of the parent crown, almost as though there actually was a battle somewhere.

Dad’s, and I can really only speak for myself, take on as much of the parenting as the mums do.

So where in our equality driven society did we get the perception that we aren’t as capable as a child’s mother? As though the mother is the only person in the child’s life that knows what’s best for the child?

I don’t know.

But I do know this. Being a dad, is as much of being a real parent as being a mum is.

My wife and I share a lovely link in this – We are both right, until Sid proves one of us wrong.

Which he takes great joy in doing. to whoever he pleases.

Classic 10 ways to be a great dad.

  

How do you know if you’re making it as a dad? One Is spending time with your kids. How you spend your time is a reflection of what’s important to you. If you value your kids, you’ll want to be with them. You don’t need to wait for the perfect time. It doesn’t have to be when you can take a vacation or an afternoon off from work. Instead, grab those small pockets of time as they present themselves throughout the day. Call your kids on your cell phone between appointments just to say, “Hi.” Send them an e-mail from work. Read to them at bedtime. Carve out a few minutes to help them with their homework. Go to breakfast and drop them off at school. Grab every moment you can get with your children.
Here is the full list of the 10 ways to be clear the daze

1. Love Your Wife

True love is not a feeling. It is a decision. It’s an act of the will to be patient, kind, humble, hopeful, giving, faithful and trusting. When you commit to loving your wife this way, your feelings for her, and hers for you, will follow. Actively loving your wife will radically strengthen your marriage and will also be incredibly beneficial to your children. The number one source of security for kids is to know that their dad loves their mother and is steadfastly committed to her well-being.
2. Spend Time With Your Kids

How you spend your time is a reflection of what’s important to you. If you value your kids, you’ll want to be with them. You don’t need to wait for the perfect time. It doesn’t have to be when you can take a vacation or an afternoon off from work. Instead, grab those small pockets of time as they present themselves throughout the day. Call your kids on your cell phone between appointments just to say “hi.” Send them an e-mail from work. Read to them at bedtime. Carve out a few minutes to help them with their homework. Go to breakfast and drop them off at school. Grab every moment you can get with your children.
3. Be a Role Model

It’s impossible to underestimate the importance of a father modeling the type of behavior he desires to see in his children. Role models don’t just talk the talk; they walk the walk of an honorable man. A great place to start is consistency. Do you keep your word? Do you stand up for what is right even when it costs you? Are you trustworthy? Are you loyal in your relationships? Be what you want your children to be!

4. Understand and Enjoy Your Children

Like you, every child has unique DNA, unique fingerprints, and a unique personality. In order to be the best father you can be, you’ll need to understand your children as individuals. How do your kids think? What do they like or dislike? You’ll also want to know what each of your children need from you the most. One may need encouragement. Another responds better with affection. This crucial understanding can only come if you’re committed to really getting to know them. Remember, too, how fast your kids grow up, and just enjoy being with them. Don’t get tempted to wish for the next stage of their development. Have fun with them now, and make memories that last a lifetime.

5. Show Affection

Children long for a secure place in this fast-paced world. They find it most often in the warm embrace of a parent. As children grow, so does their need for acceptance and a sense of belonging. Such a need is met when a father offers a hug, or a kind word, and expresses his appreciation and love for his children. But showing affection doesn’t stop there. Make sure to say, “I love you” everyday.

6. Secure Your Family’s Financial Future

Financial stress is one of the leading factors that tears families apart. In order to put your family in a position of strength, you have to shore up your finances. First, hate debt. Do everything you can to get out of it as quickly as possible. Then, make sure you establish a budget that not only trims expenses, but also allows you to save and share with those in need. Have proper insurance. Finally, make sure you live and teach these frugal principles to your children as well.

7. Eat Together As a Family

Most children today don’t know the meaning of a family dinnertime. Yet the communication and unity built during this time is integral to a healthy family life. Sharing a meal together—breakfast, lunch or dinner—provides structure to an often hectic schedule. It also gives kids the opportunity to talk about their lives. This is a time for fathers to listen as well as give advice and encouragement. Most importantly, however, it is a time to be together on a daily basis.

8. Discipline with a Gentle Spirit

True discipline is a function of a father’s love for his children, which is why it should never be hard-nosed or harsh. Discipline’s role is not to intimidate or tear down, but to mold and to correct. Correcting your kids should be done in private, and you and your wife should be unified in how you discipline. Strive to be consistent.

9. Pray and Worship Together

Families that have a healthy prayer life and take worshipping God seriously help their children to understand that there is an ultimate authority in their lives—an authority who provides moral absolutes for them to live by. Every child needs to know that there is right and wrong, good and evil. Living under the authority of God will give them that knowledge.

10. Realize You’re a Father Forever

Someday every father must let go of the youthful activities that bond him with his children. As he allows his children their freedom to direct their own lives, a good father realizes that he doesn’t abandon them at a dorm room, a wedding altar, or the door of their first job. He continues to encourage, coach and convey his wisdom to his children forever