Lesson #14 – Punch above your weight, launching dadessentials.co.uk, just for you.
It was a conversation that I had with a friend some months ago that inspired me to share this message with you. Continue reading
So I’m not a huge fan of foul language, (in front of children), but sometimes the little things can really annoy the sht out of you at times. One such time was a couple of nights ago when my phone decided to play silly buggers and not connect to the Wi-Fi at home. The story of what happens next will crack you up…
Its late in the evening, and I’m about to take my son for his bath. I decide that some music is in order because, well why not, and go to get my phone from the kitchen where it was sat charging. I had left it for about 40 minutes or so, and it had only picked up about 10% charge which was infuriating, as Sid’s bath would take at least 8% of the charge.
Anyway I realise that it is also not connected to the Wi-Fi and so I turn the Wi-Fi on on the phone, and wait. And wait. And wait.
By this time I’m seriously hacked off and under my breath, seeing that my son is now buzzing around me I mutter “why the fk isn’t the phone connecting to the Wi-Fi?!?!?!”. He was about a metre away from me and I immediately realised I had said those magic words a little too loudly. He suddenly stopped what he was doing, stared me right in the eye and said “Daddy don’t say that. Don’t say fk. It’s not nice to say it. Instead say .. Hmm (looks at his book of planes) instead say helicopter.”
I was both amazed and mortified at the same time.
I wanted to swing my genius son around and at the same time cut off my tongue for using such profane language in front of my angel with horns child.
There was an itching curiosity within me as I rested that evening.
How did my son, my 2 year old, whom we never swear in front of, know that fk is such a bad swear word? No-one told him, and certainly not me. I wondered – did my son realise that my frustration, linked to the extremely well placed F-Bomb meant that the word I used was a naughty word? Or has someone secretly been teaching my son things to just wind me up?
I did a very crude experiment with him the next morning. I pretended to get really angry and shouted out “What the chin!?!?!” – and lo and behold – he stopped what he was doing (eating) and said – “Daddy – don’t say Chin. It’s not nice”.
Could it be that children are that more sensitive to the way we say things compared to what we say?
If it is so, then it is both sentiment, emotion, AND language that has an impact on a child.
This relates quite nicely to what we hear about communication and arguments – most of the time arguments occur not be cause of what we say – but because of how we say it.
It seems like this is not a learned construct – It’s almost innate and we know what this “feeling” of negativity is, from a very young age.
If there’s anything I have learnt from this experience, that is to never underestimate 2 things.
Sleep deprivation is torture on every level. I understand why it is used as a torture mechanism by governments. It hurts physically and mentally.
I mean, she’s still my drop dead smoking hot wife, but she’s an awesome mum to our son too.
It wasn’t all plain sailing though.
As we chose to breast feed Sid, getting rest was one thing that was a real struggle. Sid had a huge appetite and was hungrier at night.
We didn’t plan for this, nor the effect (obscenely detrimental effect) this would have on us.
We went through 10 months of Sid being a rough sleeper of which the first 5 he was up about 10-20 times a night. That eased off to about 8times a night and then by 8 months he was up 4 times a night. You can see where I’m going with this.
By month 1 I looked like this.
So without going into details of what we did to manage this … I thought I’d list a few things that we experienced during this time and things to warn future parents of.
Yes people sleep deprivation from having kids is real and it will f you up hard. But honestly it is worth it.
After the first 12 months, unless you decide to have another one. Then you only have yourself to blame.
10 days after Sang left for Mumbai, Sid gets reunited with his first love- his mummy.
We landed in Dubai safe and sound and had a 2 hour wait before Sang’s flight landed.
I’ve got to say, it was a longer wait than the 6 hour flight.
Sid could tell he was going to see his mummy, he kept saying “mummy here” and “mummy plane”.
This is what happens when a son sees his mum after so many days…It was like love at first sight – again. I’ve never seen him so excited! He was jumping, spinning, laughing – he just couldn’t contain himself.
For me, it was a gift just to be present in the moment and experience it.