Somehow it doesn’t have the same ring as Nirvanas ‘Heart Shaped Box’ but it made me happier that he song did to see that my sone was beginning to enjoy the pleasures of cooking.
We spent a week in the wonderful city of Mumbai in India without our 3 year old.
Like many couples with young kids it’s off in a fighting battle to maintain some sense of balance in your relationship whilst managing a young child.
I think we were very grateful to have had a few days to ourselves to reconnect and just be us!
The city has such a beauty and vibrancy about it that I cannot explain, but my last visit in ‘94 when I was just 15 is still memorable and I can see why.
We spent a few days in Chembur, a large district in central Mumbai and then moved on to Juhu Beach at the JW Marriott hotel – perhaps one of the most amazing hotels I’ve stayed in – ever.
Needless to say, we both missed our son immensely, however we loved each minute of being together and exploring the beauty of this treasured city.
Things I want my son to know. Lesson #12 – Have Courage, But don’t be afraid to cry.
“Big Boys Dont Cry”is something I used to hear a lot when I was growing up.
When I was 22, my granddad died peacefully in his sleep. He was someone I loved so much, someone who taught me the art of DIY, allowed me to drive his cars all the time, sit with him and play with him.
I remember getting the news at about 3am when I heard the house phone ring, and I immediately sensed he was gone, and it was confirmed by my mum’s crying. I jumped up in bed and burst into tears. My dad walked past, knocked on the door and saw me crying and said “Let it out now, but be strong when you get to the house” but there was no time. Granddad lived 3 doors from us, so I quickly got changed and had to dry my eyes and “be strong” for my family. Continue reading
So I’m not a huge fan of foul language, (in front of children), but sometimes the little things can really annoy the sht out of you at times. One such time was a couple of nights ago when my phone decided to play silly buggers and not connect to the Wi-Fi at home. The story of what happens next will crack you up…
Its late in the evening, and I’m about to take my son for his bath. I decide that some music is in order because, well why not, and go to get my phone from the kitchen where it was sat charging. I had left it for about 40 minutes or so, and it had only picked up about 10% charge which was infuriating, as Sid’s bath would take at least 8% of the charge.
Anyway I realise that it is also not connected to the Wi-Fi and so I turn the Wi-Fi on on the phone, and wait. And wait. And wait.
By this time I’m seriously hacked off and under my breath, seeing that my son is now buzzing around me I mutter “why the fk isn’t the phone connecting to the Wi-Fi?!?!?!”. He was about a metre away from me and I immediately realised I had said those magic words a little too loudly. He suddenly stopped what he was doing, stared me right in the eye and said “Daddy don’t say that. Don’t say fk. It’s not nice to say it. Instead say .. Hmm (looks at his book of planes) instead say helicopter.”
I was both amazed and mortified at the same time.
I wanted to swing my genius son around and at the same time cut off my tongue for using such profane language in front of my angel with horns child.
There was an itching curiosity within me as I rested that evening.
How did my son, my 2 year old, whom we never swear in front of, know that fk is such a bad swear word? No-one told him, and certainly not me. I wondered – did my son realise that my frustration, linked to the extremely well placed F-Bomb meant that the word I used was a naughty word? Or has someone secretly been teaching my son things to just wind me up?
I did a very crude experiment with him the next morning. I pretended to get really angry and shouted out “What the chin!?!?!” – and lo and behold – he stopped what he was doing (eating) and said – “Daddy – don’t say Chin. It’s not nice”.
Could it be that children are that more sensitive to the way we say things compared to what we say?
If it is so, then it is both sentiment, emotion, AND language that has an impact on a child.
This relates quite nicely to what we hear about communication and arguments – most of the time arguments occur not be cause of what we say – but because of how we say it.
It seems like this is not a learned construct – It’s almost innate and we know what this “feeling” of negativity is, from a very young age.
If there’s anything I have learnt from this experience, that is to never underestimate 2 things.
- The value of a well placed F-Bomb
- The ability of your child at such a young age to pick up on emotion, more than the words.
Having not seen Sid for 4 nights, I was wondering how he would be with me. This is the longest I’ve spent without him.
I reached his Nani’s home and I saw him all dressed in his yellow rain coat and beige beanie ready to go. He was super happy to see me and jumped onto me and said the magic words “daddy home”…(in Punjabi I must add)
Remembering I managed to speak to Sang on my way home and said to FaceTime Nisha (sister in law) to see Sid I asked if she managed to. She hadn’t. So I grabbed my phone and got her on FaceTime before she went to dinner. It’s a 5 and a half hour time difference to india and Sang hasn’t seen Sid for a couple of days.
We had about 10 minutes of FaceTime and Sid was very happy.
I think it dawned on him that he hasn’t seen mummy in nearly 10 days.
But our adventure begins tomorrow! We travel together by flight (my first long haul without Sang) and go to meet Wifey on her way back from Mumbai…
The countdown begins!!
But this weekend, the first since Sid was born 19 months ago, I got the chance to spend all my time with him.
No wife around, who’s currently in India, no grandparents. No one.
Just me, and my baby boy.
It’s Sunday evening and I’m not ready to leave him.
Just one more morning to make him breakfast before I go back to work and not see him for a few days, but I’m sat, 120 miles away from him, writing this message, and I count the days till I see my son again.
People ask me “how are you coping/managing?” As if I’m a baby sitter on an extended contract… In response I just say “it’s fine- it’s like we’re father and son!
Dads often get the rough end of the sick- were often seen as the babysitter and not the parent. As if somewhere in our social network mums won the battle of the parent crown, almost as though there actually was a battle somewhere.
Dad’s, and I can really only speak for myself, take on as much of the parenting as the mums do.
So where in our equality driven society did we get the perception that we aren’t as capable as a child’s mother? As though the mother is the only person in the child’s life that knows what’s best for the child?
I don’t know.
But I do know this. Being a dad, is as much of being a real parent as being a mum is.
My wife and I share a lovely link in this – We are both right, until Sid proves one of us wrong.
Which he takes great joy in doing. to whoever he pleases.
Sid has been looking frantikly for his scabbard, it was lost during his duel on the lake… He found it eventually and we got some great shots in the process…