Sid has taken the loss of his daddima really hard.
He’s not much of a talker when it comes to what he is feeling but yesterday (Sunday 4th Feb) he took out the iPad and started to create a list for all of us to complete about mums qualities and funny moments.
Here’s what he writes
“when I’d have a sleepover with her, I’d always go right to the corner [of the bed] as it was hot in the bedroom so I could get out of bed if I felt too hot but she’d always pull me back into the middle of the bed and would say that it’s to dangerous in case I fell.
That constant sense of caring that she always had was amazing. I thought nothing could compare with her sewa but this almost beats it!”
“It’ll just take 2 minutes. What’s the problem? There is no issue – just 2 minutes“ Was one of mum’s all time top lines. Whenever we wanted anything to eat, or if she asked if we wanted anything to eat (which she was relentless at) she would reply with this.
Mum’s love language, service language, was to make sure that we were satiated. To her, our full bellies, smiling faces in awe of her amazing cooking, were what seemed to drive her.
17th November 23. After her brain tumour diagnosis, she could barely stand, but she wanted to cook.
As a young child, I remember her making sure that she was up first, making the tea, toast and eggs, and then making sure that we have 5 almonds each, each morning, before leaving for school.
And not just us 3.
It was my cousin who would call for me in the morning, and my sisters friends who would call for her. And anyone else who would come round in the morning.
She served with love, and loved to serve. Nothing was ever any trouble for her.
We all got them. Those precious 5 almonds, that had been soaking overnight, and then painstakingly peeled by mum in the morning.
When my son was ready to eat solids, mum was so eager to start feeding him, that as soon as he was able to, his relationship with mum became more about food than anything else. She didnt spend time on teaching him to speak Punjabi or Hindi, or teaching him hymns to sing, she just wanted to bring him food, like he was some little maharaja, getting fresh fruit, ice creams, cakes, chicken curry, and her famous, renowned aloo paranthas.
We would always say, “mum don’t go to the effort and stress” and she would just respond ” It’s only going to take 2 minutes!“
Nothing was ever too much trouble for mum.
At her funeral, a number of people came up to me and shared the same story – about how she made something special for their children to eat, even when the kitchen was closed, or if the food had stopped being served, saying that “It’s no trouble – its just 2 minutes“
She served with love, and loved to serve. Her whole existence was service. To her Guru, Her family, Her fellow congregants. We were all gems in her crown.
For over 30 years, week in, week out, she and her Spiritual Sisters ran the kitchen at the Centre for Oneness in Wednesbury at the old and new buildings. Consistently, without fail, cetering for each weekly gathering, as well as the multitude of annual national events, weddings, birthdays funerals, all of them. Taking her annual leave off to support the congregation in good times and bad.
Her whole life was spent in this.
That void of love, of giving, of relentless servitude, is a chasm. She somehow managed to do the work of 3 people, without flinching, and then raising 3 kids through to us becoming parents ourselves.
How, is a question that will never be answered. But I am forever in awe of you my darling mum.
Man its been a long time. I mean a HELL of a long time since I stopped growing through all my facebook and insta notifications and moved over to creating something for myself…
Well… let’s take this slowly shall we …
My son is now 8! 8!!!!
When the hell did that happen!! How did I get an 8 year old????
Does anyone else feel that the cuteness of a young child goes so quickly and the hormonal raging know-it-all phase starts far too early?
Somehow it doesn’t have the same ring as Nirvanas ‘Heart Shaped Box’ but it made me happier that he song did to see that my sone was beginning to enjoy the pleasures of cooking.
Things I want my son to know. Lesson #12 – Have Courage, But don’t be afraid to cry.
“Big Boys Dont Cry”is something I used to hear a lot when I was growing up.
When I was 22, my granddad died peacefully in his sleep. He was someone I loved so much, someone who taught me the art of DIY, allowed me to drive his cars all the time, sit with him and play with him.
I remember getting the news at about 3am when I heard the house phone ring, and I immediately sensed he was gone, and it was confirmed by my mum’s crying. I jumped up in bed and burst into tears. My dad walked past, knocked on the door and saw me crying and said “Let it out now, but be strong when you get to the house” but there was no time. Granddad lived 3 doors from us, so I quickly got changed and had to dry my eyes and “be strong” for my family. Continue reading →
In the ocean there are fish
Somehow it doesn’t have the same ring as Nirvanas ‘Heart Shaped Box’ but it made me happier that he song did to see that my sone was beginning to enjoy the pleasures of cooking.
Diary of a Dazed Dad 