Things I’d like my Son to Know

Lesson #8 – No, Means No.

I was asked to comment on the topic of “Sex Ed – Should schools improve their delivery, including the topics of relationships, consent, abuse, sexting etc” on the BBC Asian Network. 

I was thinking about my own experience of sex-ed at school and how poorly it was delivered. We never got any relationship advice, no support with dealing with the emotional turmoil that was puberty, and then counter that with the only relationship and sex ed that we did get -Growing up with Bollywood movies meant watching nearly each and every lead actor trying to win over the heroine of the film, and so on ….

Every single movie had this theme.

No matter what genre the actual movie was supposed to be, be it horror, or thriller, or even comedy there was this underlying seedy romance.

Now the problem with these films was that, they very nearly always had the male lead chasing the female lead, and no matter how much she rejected his advances, he pushed and pushed and pushed, and even through all the songs and dances, she would still say “no” or a variation of “bugger off”, he would still persist, and ultimately win the woman.

This left most guys with a warped viewpoint on how to score with women, and that was this.

“If at first you don’t succeed, keep trying, and even if she says No, she really means Yes.”

I remember an incident at school.  I was about 12 years old.  It was a regular Tuesday (maths was after lunch) and I remember some sort of commotion in the class room while the teacher had gone for the whiskey break.

See I remember this one guy, we’ll call him H, and this girl in class, we’ll call her K.  Now H had a crush on K, but K couldn’t stand him. After a lot, and I mean A LOT of encouragement from the other guys, he decided enough was enough and he was going to “pounce”.

And I remember this crazy chase around the classroom tables where H was chasing K and eventually he caught her, and kissed her, among the raucous applaud from the other kids in class, and I remember seeing K, thoroughly disgusted and stressed.

It was a given in school then, and it seems like it is now too, that if you want to get the girl, you keep chasing.

Son there is a massive problem here with this.  Sometimes a girl just isn’t interested.

If there’s one thing I need you to fully equip your mind with, that is that No means No.

We will always tell you “No you cant do this” or “No that’s not appropriate” and we may back down.  That’s because we’re your parents and sometimes just want an easy life.

However when a member of the opposite sex says it, back off. Immediately.

The world we’re in now is very different to the one I grew up in.  Nowadays, its all about texting and sexting, body-shaming,  unrealistic expectations from the opposite sex, relationship dysfunction and poor self esteem as a by-product, cyber-bullying and so on, and I can’t imagine what life will be like in 5-10-15 years time. Kids are being pressured into revealing things about themselves that they shouldn’t (because at this age its very illegal) sharing things about themselves that should stay very private, and being ridiculed, harassed, blackmailed and abused as a result.

If there’s one consistent rule I want you to live by, it’s that You are Your Own Property, and No-one is Your Property.  No will always mean No.

We all have our own boundaries.  Never allow anyone to cross your boundary. Never cross anyone else’s boundary without their say so. This goes for emotional and physical.

8 thoughts on “Things I’d like my Son to Know

  1. What a good post. Deep, honest and actually meaningful.
    I wish more people would have your thinking and respect for another.
    I hope a lot of people read your post and let it sink in for a minute.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Evangelina. Thank you for your kind comments! It’s been a topic on my mind for quite some time listening to the radio pretty much each morning is always some debate or another and one such debate trigger before to my mind and if the something along my son to fully understand and get on board with this idea notion of consent. Without sounding too self righteous I’ve tried to circulate as much as I can please feel free to share the article with a ever you wish to. You can find me on Facebook as well the link is on my website it will be good to link up on the social networks if you are on there.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Hi Jeremy. I wasn’t sure about writing this down. It’s a topic close to my heart and it dawned on me when our health visitor told us to make sure that our son understand that no means no. He was one year old at the time! I understood what she meant now, she had understood from her generation that this was an appropriate lesson to teach young boys so that they understand it in the context of both what parents want from their child and also what society expects gentleman to behave like. If that makes any sense?
      I’m glad you liked the article. I’m trying to encourage everyone to share this as much as possible if you like it feel free to share it. I’m on Facebook as well. If you are too here is my Facebook ID. if you want to link up on Facebook that would be great and I can share their article with you via the social networks alternatively feel free to share this article or have you see say you have daughters chloral? How do you manage with that? I can just about handle my one son!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I would suggest that you click the link when you have the time and just follow the instructions. You write great stories about your life with your son and you are a natural writer. That’s basically what is required, one funny short story – and I see you have even a whole category labeled ‘funny stuff’ which I would read more of if I also had more time – so I understand time deficiency! Your story will be put forward for our magazine front page, press and a book deal. Hopefully you find time before the end date.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s