Swearing infront of your child- how to get away with it.

From the day Sid was born, I’ve been telling him, on a daily basis, that I love him. Verbally about 20-30 times without fail. 

 At 3 months old he repeated me saying “hello” to him, which was beautiful and we managed to capture it in this video 

http://youtu.be/DVp5N3_f3iY

It didn’t take much for him to mimic me saying hello to him, but saying “I love you” seemed to be his kryptonite. 

He randomly now repeats words that we use and throws them back at us.. I get him calling his mum “Shangeeee” or “dhaaaliin” which is really sweet. 

So how do I get away with the occasional profanity? 

So I was getting changed in Sangs dressing room and dropped the moisturiser on the floor. I was already rushed and a little stressed and accidentally used the S word. 

Not realising Sid was say behind me on the floor he repeated me and said “oh sit”…

Sangs expression and my amazement were to be captured. 

I couldn’t get the little monkey to say I love you despite the thousands of times I’ve said it to him, but the one time I swear infront of him and that’s what he repeats?!?!

So how do I get away with expressing myself without him using he same words in public?

You could say to me “Vish it’s not polite to swear anyway- try stopping.. ” 

Well bollox to that. 

How do we get away with it…!??

I figured that the best way to do it, is to find an alternative. 

For example “Oh Duck!” For the obvious, or “come on mate!” instead of “learn how to drive you jackass”

I ask you all, parents and non parents- what are good alternative swear words ?

10 things only sleep deprived parents will feel

Sleep deprivation is torture on every level. I understand why it is used as a torture mechanism by governments. It hurts physically and mentally. 

  Being a parent is an awesome job and I wouldn’t give it up for the world. I love my son and I love how my wife has evolved into a mum, and seeing her transition into this role has been beautiful. 

I mean, she’s still my drop dead smoking hot wife, but she’s an awesome mum to our son too. 

It wasn’t all plain sailing though. 

As we chose to breast feed Sid, getting rest was one thing that was a real struggle. Sid had a huge appetite and was hungrier at night.

We didn’t plan for this, nor the effect (obscenely detrimental effect) this would have on us. 

We went through 10 months of Sid being a rough sleeper of which the first 5 he was up about 10-20 times a night. That eased off to about 8times a night and then by 8 months he was up 4 times a night. You can see where I’m going with this. 

By month 1 I looked like this. 

 
And felt 10 times worse. 

So without going into details of what we did to manage this … I thought I’d list a few things that we experienced during this time and things to warn future parents of.

  1. Slurred speech. Ever remember trying to get out a sentence in a coherent manner to your work colleagues to sound vaguely intelligent after having a glass or two of wine? Well this is the first phase of delerium. Only it doesn’t wear off. You only know shit’s got wierd when you ask your work colleague to hold you up in case you fall over a desk you didn’t know you were standing on, wearing trousers that don’t match your suit jacket. 
  2. Waking up in the middle of a conference call you started at work and wondered where everyone was, then realising you weren’t on a conference call, you’re not at work, your phone is just stuck to the side of your face. 
  3. Desi parents will always try and bring food over just to play with the baby and when you explicitly say “don’t wake the baby” you shout at them for waking the baby with their overly loud questioning at the front door “Sid asleep!!??” 
  4. Getting random bruises from walking into things that you knew perfectly well were there but on this drunken state, may as well be invisible. 
  5. Walking into the the microwave door whilst it was wide open head first forgetting that 10 seconds ago you left it open yourself 
  6. Sleeping together no longer means “getting lucky” it literally means falling asleep together. Sex is no longer on the menu. Sleep is the dish of the day. Any day. 
  7. Having one partner that is responsible for putting the baby to sleep means we’re literally ducked if that partner is away for a night. 
  8. Slapping yourself in the face just to get through drinking your first cup of coffee. After the first one you’re not so bad. 
  9. Regretting not using protection. Having suffered with sleep deprivation for months it was always a niggle in the back of my mind. What if?  I would be sound asleep and happy. Instead, I have the antichrist as a child at night. 
  10. You’ve used shaving gel for toothpaste. Only happens 4 or 5 times 
  11. You fall asleep taking a number 2 which started as a number 1 only it moved in that direction. 
  12. Stubbing your toes on anything while picking up/putting the baby to sleep and then cursing the baby. 
  13. Getting to 13 points in this list and while forgetting that you only wanted 10

Yes people sleep deprivation from having kids is real and it will f you up hard. But honestly it is worth it. 

After the first 12 months, unless you decide to have another one. Then you only have yourself to blame. 

Crap that people say to pregnant women (and their husbands)

You know when parents say that they fell in love with their child the moment they saw him/her? They’re like “aww it was love at first sight” or “it was magical” and so on …  
Not usWell not immediately. 

You see when Sid was born, I mean like the 10 seconds after he was lifted above the operating covers for me and sang to see, and for me to reveal the sex of my child to my wife (cos that was too much to do for the surgeon), I think our immediate response was “WHAT IN GODS NAME IS THAT!!???”

Followed by a silent ..”PUT THAT BACK AND BRING ME OUT MY CHILD!!!”

 He was long, covered in dark brown muck (muconium apparently) and almost alien like. 

It wasn’t until he was cleaned up by the nurse did I really see how beautiful, pure and gorgeous he was. He was a little angel. A little beige angel.

I fell in love with him when i could smell that ‘new baby smell’ that they should bottle up and sell.. And that love lasts to this day..

See we went through a mad journey filled with hyperemesis, SPD, house build, decoration, 2 trips abroad (Canada at 14 weeks and india at 20) and we got a lot of advice, mostly unsolicited from all angles. 
We had 9 months of listening to some rather interesting guidance from people (listened to – not acted upon) who put rationalised their arguments in an almost scientific manner. 

We got everything from “how best to get pregnant” to “how to make sure your child is fair skinned”. Basically from the ridiculous, to the just down right stupid.

Most of the superstitions and commentary that I came across were to do with “how to make sure your baby is white and fair”. Honestly if we had a white baby there would be some serious chuffing questions to be answered in my household!!!

The irony of it all, is that its Asians that project these superstitions to other Asians… like it wasn’t enough to have an India free of Empirical Rule, but we now demand to have white babies now too? 

I’m not sure where this fascination with fair skin has come from, and this obsession that the world (and by world, I mean Indian desi mothers) has with fair skin = beautiful. What is the cultural bias that Indians have towards fair skin? (see number 1 and 2 below). 

India is a country full of brown skinned people, who have varying degrees of skin tone from very fair, to really dark skin, basically 50 shades of brown. So when someone said to my wife, “keep a picture of a white baby in your bedroom and your baby will turn out white” I had to give them the ‘WTF’ glare and then share the comment with the whole world.

Here are some of the nonsense comments perpetuated by seemingly intelligent and educated people from the Indian subcontinent (and some from around the world in general).

  1. Drink milk and your baby will be fair skinned.- unless you’re lactose intolerant. Like you need to have more gas seriously!Keep a photo of picture of a fair skinned baby and look at it everyday and you will have a white baby. – Makes ZERO sense to me (or anyone else ive met) We didn’t, and Sid was born very fair skinned… mainly due to the amniotic fluid leftover on his skin.
  2. Eat greasy food will help you push the baby out – Now this one was just crap.. Eating greasy food would just give you heartburn, and high cholesterol, which is the last thing a pregnant woman would need!
  3. When the baby is born, put a little black mark on the baby’s forehead to ward off the “evil eye” – NO! All you do is dirty a baby’s head and expose it to germs. 
  4. My personal favourite – and I witnessed it a little so im surprised it’s a superstition – A baby will be more restless during a full moon, and not sleep properly until he is a little older. I felt Sid was more active during the full moon nights – which tbh were just like any other night – just Sid waking up 8 times and crying his head off..
  5. Wait until the baby is born before making the nursery – LIKE I’LL HAVE THE TIME!!! It look 3 of us 1 whole day without distractions to make all the furniture, and decorate the room. Nah ha. No way. Take the appropriate opportunity and get it out of theway. Baby needs to be in his own bed as soon as he can!!
  6. At an antenatal appt, a friend asked the midwife when her genetic results would be back.. The midwife turned around and said “don’t you worry about the results hun, just blossom and bloom!” Nice and clear … 

The whole obsession with unsolicited advice for during pregnancy wasn’t anywhere as frustrating as the advice we got given when Sid was born.. But I’ll share that another time…

Blueberry and Cherry Yoghurt

Sid is getting a little addicted to fruit yoghurts however they contain a little too much sugar for him. More than I want him to have that is 

I made him a healthy sugar free option today which he loved.  

Ingredients

  • A few defrosted frozen or fresh blueberries, chopped
  • A few defrosted cherries 
  • Some fresh fat free yogurt 
  • A touch of maple syrup 

As per the picture.

Enjoy!

5 Top Baby Weaning Meals 

As a very protective father, I found that managing my son’s food intake as he transitioned into solids a real challenge. I mean, what do I give him? Do I give him chicken? How well cooked? Thigh or breast? Do I give him fish? What about the bones?  

Sid’s breakfast

 You can see where I’m going with this…

So anyway, I started off light… Fresh mash with a little fresh steamed fish… Then it all took off….

Here are he top 5 meals I’ve made for my 1 year old in order of his preference… Enjoy! 

1. Fish pie with cheesy potatoe mash sauce

  • Oven bake frozen mackerel fillets with a little butter and lemon 
  • Meanwhile, boil potatoes for the mash sauce. 
  • Once boiled, drain off the water , leaving a little in the pan with the potatoes and return to the cooker. 
  • Add to the potatoes, a good splash of milk, butter, and grate some mature cheese and whisk together to make a smooth paste. 
  • Take out the fish, flake and remove any bones and add to the sauce mix. 
  • Serve…

2. Steamed fish with spinach and broccoli mash 

  • Bake haddock with lemon and butter
  • Boil some broccoli and chopped potatoes and wilt some spinach 
  • Once the veg are cooked, remove the brocollli to a chopping board and chop up, adding the wilted spinach which should also be chopped up. 
  • Once you’re happy that it’s fine enough for the little one, add to the boiled potatoes and pop in some butter and milk. Whisk together and top with the cooked fish. 

If you want a sauce for this dish, there are 2 options below that you may like. I use these a lot. 

3. Potatoe and spinach curry 

  • Par boil potatoes and remove from water. 
  • In a non stick pan, add the following in order 
  • A glug of olive/coconut oil, heat it up 
  • Finely chopped garlic (1 clove)- don’t burn it
  • Finely chopped onion- stir and cook till golden 
  • Add a little ginger, turmeric and black pepper. 
  • Cook for a minute until the mixture is a rich orange. 
  • Add a little pasatta and stir until the mixture loses a little of its water. 
  • Add the potatoes and chop in spinach. Cover and cook on a low heat stiring occasionally. 
  • Cool and serve.

4. Cottage pie

  • Heat some oil in a pan, add to it some minced lamb and cook until brown
  • Add finely chopped onions, a little garlic, some frozen veg, the ones with peas, chopped carrots, green beans, and sweet corn is a good bag to have in your freezer!
  • Make up some low salt stock and add to the cooking meat and veg. 
  • Cook through and add thickening agent such as cornflour or plain flour. 
  • Meanwhile make up some mash as in the above recipes and separate the mixture into small storage containers, top with the mash. Cool and serve. 

5. Spanish omelette 

  •  Whisk 2 eggs, adding a splash of milk and seasoning. 
  • In a non stick pan heat up some olive oil, add chopped tomatoes, chopped mushrooms, par boiled small chopped potatoes. 
  • Heat up in the oil and once the mixture is hot, add the eggs. 
  • Stir the veg around to make it even and turn the heat to medium. 
  • Flip the mixture cooking the eggs thoroughly 

Food glorious food!!!

Sid is finally eating by himself!

  
So IKEA was blessed by Sid having his first kiddies mean there and eating by himself!

The joy parents feel when their child takes their first steps in all areas is immense. As crazy as the little man is, he even posed for the camera with his spoon stuffed nicely in his mouth, and it brought tears to my eyes to see him nourishing himself, when I still have the memories of me having to pick him up out of his Moses basket to give him to his mum to feed from. 

In 14 months ive seen him go from dependent feeder to independent feeder, and it’s a great feeling. 

So to the little man – well done, now don’t make a mess! 

Love you Sid. Good night, sweet dreams son xxx

The recipe for a poorly boy …

So the little man is poorly… And taking full advantage of it!!!  
So the most he’s eaten today is a lovely fresh chicken burger I made from scratch, and because he’s little and needs some vegetables too, I grated them into the mix before cooking…

 What you need..

Half a carrot

Half a potatoe

A couple of pieces of broccoli 

Some chicken mince

Seasoning

Breadcrumbs

Egg wash

How it’s made…

Grate the veg and micro for 3 mins to soften

Add to chicken mince and mix together

Divide into portions and dip into egg and coat in breadcrumbs 

Fry in a little veg oil on a medium heat until cooked through..

Apple bran flake muffins

Just what the doctor ordered …

So we made a delicious Autumn treat last week- and Sid seemed to love them.

Apples were grown in our garden and just picked so we though why not…

What you need…

1 and a quarter cup of crushed bran flakes

1 and a quarter cup of plain flour

1 and a quarter cup of apple juice

A third of a cup of dark brown sugar

A quarter cup of melted butter

A tbsp baking powder

1 tsp cinnamon

1tsp vanilla extract

2 apples cut, peeled and chopped into small pieces

How to make it …

Add all the ingredients into a mixing bowl and give the mixture a good old stir.

Pour out into a muffin tray and bake at 190c for about 30 minutes.

Cool and enjoy!!