Lesson #14 – Punch above your weight, launching dadessentials.co.uk, just for you.
It was a conversation that I had with a friend some months ago that inspired me to share this message with you. Continue reading
Life lesson #1- Life is precious. Each moment is a gift.
I love being a dad, and sat with mum in hospital, she just schooled me about what I’m doing wrong as a dad.
She stated the obvious, something I was missing with my son.
Although I spend time with my son, I need to spend time with my son.
I understand now mum. Thank you. Continue reading
So I’m not a huge fan of foul language, (in front of children), but sometimes the little things can really annoy the sht out of you at times. One such time was a couple of nights ago when my phone decided to play silly buggers and not connect to the Wi-Fi at home. The story of what happens next will crack you up…
Its late in the evening, and I’m about to take my son for his bath. I decide that some music is in order because, well why not, and go to get my phone from the kitchen where it was sat charging. I had left it for about 40 minutes or so, and it had only picked up about 10% charge which was infuriating, as Sid’s bath would take at least 8% of the charge.
Anyway I realise that it is also not connected to the Wi-Fi and so I turn the Wi-Fi on on the phone, and wait. And wait. And wait.
By this time I’m seriously hacked off and under my breath, seeing that my son is now buzzing around me I mutter “why the fk isn’t the phone connecting to the Wi-Fi?!?!?!”. He was about a metre away from me and I immediately realised I had said those magic words a little too loudly. He suddenly stopped what he was doing, stared me right in the eye and said “Daddy don’t say that. Don’t say fk. It’s not nice to say it. Instead say .. Hmm (looks at his book of planes) instead say helicopter.”
I was both amazed and mortified at the same time.
I wanted to swing my genius son around and at the same time cut off my tongue for using such profane language in front of my angel with horns child.
There was an itching curiosity within me as I rested that evening.
How did my son, my 2 year old, whom we never swear in front of, know that fk is such a bad swear word? No-one told him, and certainly not me. I wondered – did my son realise that my frustration, linked to the extremely well placed F-Bomb meant that the word I used was a naughty word? Or has someone secretly been teaching my son things to just wind me up?
I did a very crude experiment with him the next morning. I pretended to get really angry and shouted out “What the chin!?!?!” – and lo and behold – he stopped what he was doing (eating) and said – “Daddy – don’t say Chin. It’s not nice”.
Could it be that children are that more sensitive to the way we say things compared to what we say?
If it is so, then it is both sentiment, emotion, AND language that has an impact on a child.
This relates quite nicely to what we hear about communication and arguments – most of the time arguments occur not be cause of what we say – but because of how we say it.
It seems like this is not a learned construct – It’s almost innate and we know what this “feeling” of negativity is, from a very young age.
If there’s anything I have learnt from this experience, that is to never underestimate 2 things.
And I hear a lot about love. A husbands love, a wife’s love etc etc and one ting I heard over and over again is a mothers love.
I get it.
She carried her child, she gave birth to it, nursed it, and nurtured it.
So when I hear that a mothers love is great, I get it.
But what I don’t understand, and this is what really frustrates me, is when a mothers love is considered, and made out to be greater than a fathers love.
So while we can’t compete with the child carrying, birthing, nursing etc, I think it’s fair to say that as dads, we have as much love for our kids as the mums do.
So when someone says that “a mothers love for her child is great” let me correct you- a parents love for their child is great.
This plays directly into the hands of people who consider dads as the accessory parent .. the baby sitter, the part time care giver.
As a dad who works away a lot, I can’t get my head around the whole thing … Any other dads feel the same way?
Having not seen Sid for 4 nights, I was wondering how he would be with me. This is the longest I’ve spent without him.
I reached his Nani’s home and I saw him all dressed in his yellow rain coat and beige beanie ready to go. He was super happy to see me and jumped onto me and said the magic words “daddy home”…(in Punjabi I must add)
Remembering I managed to speak to Sang on my way home and said to FaceTime Nisha (sister in law) to see Sid I asked if she managed to. She hadn’t. So I grabbed my phone and got her on FaceTime before she went to dinner. It’s a 5 and a half hour time difference to india and Sang hasn’t seen Sid for a couple of days.
We had about 10 minutes of FaceTime and Sid was very happy.
I think it dawned on him that he hasn’t seen mummy in nearly 10 days.
But our adventure begins tomorrow! We travel together by flight (my first long haul without Sang) and go to meet Wifey on her way back from Mumbai…
The countdown begins!!