Since mum passed away, from that very night, I’ve been dreaming of her.

She’s been passing me messages, letting me know she’s on, comforting me and just keeping me company.

Last night. Well that was different.

I’m walking in a dark cave, with random pockets of light around me, and beside me is Her Holiness Mata Ji.

Walking beside me.

As we enter a clearing where there’s a bigger cavern, a bluebird flies in, and then another, and another, till the space in front of me is filled with bluebirds, in the shape and form of mum.

I hear this voice, rather sounds like my own, but it’s not mine, and it asks me “You can ask one question” .

One.

FFS, I’ve got a million and one questions for you mum, but I get to ask you one???

Added to that, I have to ask the question to a vision of a thousand bluebirds shaped into my mum???

There’s no easy way to reduce all my heartbreak into one question so the only one I asked in my dream was “Are you at peace mum?”

To which the birds came together to form my mum speaking, she replied “I am beta, very much.”

And then, just like that, the birds flew away, revealing the cavernous darkness.

I woke up today, and Sang asked me if I felt more at peace with that answer. The reality is that I am at peace. I was always at peace.

She’s just missed so much.