Service With a Smile

“Whenever the zikhar of Sewa is mentioned, Basant ji, your name will be there.”

My mum’s closest friend, and adopted elder sister, my Kamlesh Aunty shared these words with us all in side room 1 of ward A8, as my darling mum took her last breath.

Mum had an obsession to serve. She put others at the heart of everything she did. She lived and breathed service to others. She was filled with this love of giving, and she made it central to her existence.

Mum was the epitome of service with a smile. She became The UK’s first sisters volunteer lead for the West Midlands Volunteers in 2005 with the blessings of Baba Hardev Singh Ji. Absolutely aware of the weight of the responsibility now on her shoulders, she kept her motivation the same as it was always. To serve with love. This she did to her last breath.

Within the art of Sewa is a spirit of selflessness. She didn’t think of it as that exactly. She thought of it as unconditional love. The act of giving with the purest love, like a parent to a child, she served.

Kamlesh Aunty shared a story with us, that I had never heard, and which made me understand mum a little bit more.

When mum was expecting my youngest sister, she was really scared of having to tell her mum. She confided in my aunt who shared with us, that mum was worried that nan would tell her off!

She thought that nan would say “you have 2 children already, when are you going to have time to carry out your sewa and the service of the sangat if you spend too much time raising a family?” – and this expectation and fear really worried mum. 

Anyway, when Nav was born in ’86, my nan came to visit and live with us for a while. It was this year that nan had seen what mum’s life in the UK was really like, how the family were, the sangat here, and her friends. And she was quite surprised!

Nan noticed that the house was really quite compared to the hustle and bustle of Saharanpur bhawan where she lived a congregation space of sangat every day, devotees visiting 2-3 times a day, and never a quiet moment, visiting homes of devotees to share in their joy and sorrow.

It was at this point that my nan had said that mum’s life needed a spirituality boost – now is time to start a ladies congregation. 

And so it was born. 

Out of my nan’s blessing, from our little home in Wolverhampton, following my little sister’s arrival into the world, that he ladies sangat started.

And 38 years later, it’s still going.

Dreams, where you live.

Since mum passed away, from that very night, I’ve been dreaming of her.

She’s been passing me messages, letting me know she’s on, comforting me and just keeping me company.

Last night. Well that was different.

I’m walking in a dark cave, with random pockets of light around me, and beside me is Her Holiness Mata Ji.

Walking beside me.

As we enter a clearing where there’s a bigger cavern, a bluebird flies in, and then another, and another, till the space in front of me is filled with bluebirds, in the shape and form of mum.

I hear this voice, rather sounds like my own, but it’s not mine, and it asks me “You can ask one question” .

One.

FFS, I’ve got a million and one questions for you mum, but I get to ask you one???

Added to that, I have to ask the question to a vision of a thousand bluebirds shaped into my mum???

There’s no easy way to reduce all my heartbreak into one question so the only one I asked in my dream was “Are you at peace mum?”

To which the birds came together to form my mum speaking, she replied “I am beta, very much.”

And then, just like that, the birds flew away, revealing the cavernous darkness.

I woke up today, and Sang asked me if I felt more at peace with that answer. The reality is that I am at peace. I was always at peace.

She’s just missed so much. 

Things I’d Like my Son to Know

Lesson 10 – Friendship is priceless.

They say that you can identify the characteristics of a person by meeting the 5 people they are closest to.

I was talking to my wife some days ago, about how as we grow older, some of the friends we had as children, teenagers, young adults, seem to drift out of our lives, and we are, we hope, left with a few, strong ties, peers, family extensions we call friends. Continue reading